I am lost, depressed, stressed and confussed

 I am new at this and feel lost. I am reaching out for some kind of support and help understand so much that I have not been able to understand about having to deal with having a brain injured adult daughter and how to still be able to be a mother and have some  time for myself. I have a 29 year old daughter who suffers TBI from a automobile accident on 07/17/2007. Since her accident I have delt with so much unessessary finacial legal issues to get conservatoryship of my daughter because she is married with 2 yong children. Her husband had her admitted to a state long term nursing home, (Bordeaux Long Term Care.) My daughter was in that facility for 12 months. The experience she and I delt with is beyond what anyone will believe. I worked with her 7 days a week after she was capable to respond. I  taught her her colors, shapes, she began reading,  she was able to put large piece puzzles togther in 19 seconds along with many  other achedemic skills during the time she was in the state facility. The doctors told me if she survived she would be a vegtable. after a year I ws able to get Medical Power of Attorney  I removed her from the state facility and had her admitted to Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville, TN. After a year in and out of court with her estranged husband I recieved conservatory ship and I brought he home. I often wander how far would she be now in her recovery if she had the 12 months wasted living in a bed and a wheel chair wearing diapers, on puree food in the state facility. Even though I worked with her cognatively. The care she recieved, the physical therapy she recieved was unexcaptable. Her speech theraptist was caught by a visitor abusing my daughter, holding his hand over her mouth with his knees in her chest. My daughter weighed 120 pounds and was unable to use her right side. The speech theraptist weighted at least 250 pounds. I was denied any information about the abuse because I was not considered the resposable party. Even after I reported to the state I got the same response. I have been working on tring to put that all behind me. My daughtr has shown termendous progress since she has been home. There isn't anything she can not do other than drive again. Her speech still needs a lot of improvement. I don't know if congnativly she will show any progress like she shown progress  and regained her ability to do all that she is capable of doing.

I feel so lost! I have never met another parent that has a brain injuried adult child. My daughtr suffers from frontal lobe brain injury and left temporal. She recieved a baclenfen pump inplant and the doctors say they can not give me a medical explination why she has 100% use of her right arm and hand. I am convienced that she is alive bacause of my faith! she has had out patient and home health services with her Physical, occupational, and speech therapy. She wants so deaperatly to live on her own. With all the progress she has made she still struggles with so many of the changes a person who suffers from tramativ brain injuries. We were so close for a long time. The more she is capable of doing, the more she becomes aggressive and angry with me verbably. I hear MOM, MOM a hundred times a minute. Please !!!!! do take me ungrateful or misunderstand me. I love my daughter dearly! My daughter is convident she can move on with her life in some type of assistant living arrangement temporairly. Then she thinks she can raise her two boys on her own. I have put so much into getting her the right medical treatment, helping her to help herself with the tremendous progress she has made.  I never thought about anything else and forgot I need time for myself. Now I live my life in a constant arguement. I am dealing with a daughter that is a little girl that is trying so hard to grow up again in a young woman body. I am the only person on the face of the earth she has.  After her accident it is like the entire world died. And she and I survived. She was a daddy's girl. Her father nor one single friend  she had before her accident or relative in my family or her fathers family has absolutely any contact with either of us. How do I change this situation? What can I do for my daughter to be happy? We attend church regular and love our church family. That is the only people we see other than one another until I recently got her enrolled in a social skills program from 9:00 a. till 12:00 pm Mon-Fri. Because of her loss of short term memory she can not remember what she does everyday by the time she gets home. during the time she is gone I have used this time to get past legal paper work done that has been left unatteded because my daughter wants my full attention at all times.  Can anyone give me some advice as to what I am doing wrong? What can I do to feel less  stress in our home between one another?  I am fighting depression on a hourly basis, I love my daughter so much and if I could change places with her in life I would! I can't bear to think this is the way the rest of both our lives are going to be! Thank You, God Bless anyone that can comprehend what I am tying to express because I am having a very hard time expressing it.

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Comment by Pablo on June 13, 2011 at 7:06am
life is just funny sometimes, not much anyone can do just going for a ride huh
Comment by Robert Carter on June 7, 2011 at 11:56am
its a tough path brain injury recovery and readjusting there is now quick fix all you can do is the best you can and be proud of that no matter the results, sounds like you are doing everything possible keep the faith
Comment by Matt Kramer on May 19, 2011 at 9:52pm
story of my life since my injury too, its a harsh and hard come back
Comment by Ethan on May 17, 2011 at 6:21am
most of us spend lots of time in the lost space, it gets better comes and goes hold tight and know you are worth it
Comment by Warren Delorinzo on May 14, 2011 at 7:12pm

We all spend time in that space the challenge is to get out of that space, you have too man, or it will consume you completely... keep those negative thoughts out of your head and go to the positive ones that is the trick (but it is easier said than done)

Comment by Abbie Clayton on May 10, 2011 at 7:23am
spend lots of lost and alone days, it is harsh and confusing which adds to our depression, who wouldn't be depressed to lose ones self is one of the hard core disabilities there is and we have the right to be depressed as we work through it, and yes there is a lot of paper work, applying and filing it is overwhelming for someone with out a brain injury
Comment by richard young on May 8, 2011 at 7:17pm

hello janet: i sit here with numb fingers hoping and trying i can say something to make your ordeal easier. my life and my daughters life mirrors you and your daughters life.

the only difference is that i am a dad and i am a single parent. her mother disappeared shortly after the accident along with most of her family and friends.

my daughter was in a car accident in 2004. she was vibrant, and lived an exciting life. she loved to travel and in her short 24 years traveled the globe. now she lives in a nursing home.

i have come to the conclusion also that i am doing something wrong.

i have been fighting depression and stress hourly.

maybe this note i am writing can be of some solace to you.

if not try to remember that there are other people who are living a life of hell and you are not alone.

as someone once told me a couple of years ago. 'richard there are worse things than death, and you and your daugher are living it'.

 

 

Comment by sassy on May 6, 2011 at 3:06pm
Big Hug to you! As a Mom myself , and the TBI person I can understand how you feel . Your torn between your daughter, and your own needs. You have to take care of you, so you can have patience and time to take care of her. Is there a counselor that can help bring your family back together, I know chronic illness is so stressful it tears at the very heart of the family. Does she get regular visits with her kids? Coming here is like reaching out , thats truly what you need you have poured your life into helping your daughter have some meaningful recovery , as of yet there is no reward and one may not be coming. Be gentle with yourself, you deserve it. God Bless Moms
Comment by Carlee Myers on May 6, 2011 at 1:14pm
the trick is to never give up and always do the best you can then its good enough but i am so sorry for your hard path
Comment by Robert Carter on May 5, 2011 at 1:37pm
i get all of that it is un thinkable to most and that is our life, we learn to make the most out of who and what we are in time, sometimes it just takes more time than other times

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