The past two years have been extremely difficult for me as I have attempted to continue working, attended an almost daily routine of therapy and rehabilitation all while trying to figure out who I was and why I had become this stranger in my own body.
It has not just been difficult on me but it was really difficult on my Family and Friends. Probably the worst on my Family although I have lost some Friends but maybe those Friendships had run their course anyway???
I have made many new Friends, many who have sustained the same type of injury as I. Their support and encouragement have all helped me tremendously. I can't thank them enough.
I have also realized that while I appear to be the same "me", that I have changed in ways I am still unable to describe. For example, I tire so easily. After four hours of anything, I must either rest or take another Ritalin pill. I hate the second choice but it is what I must sometimes do in order to maintain some semblance of a "normal" life.
I am still trying to learn my limits but it is tough with an eight year old only child who is full of energy and demands or rather needs, my constant attention.
I worry constantly about my marriage. If I know I'm not the same, who or what does she believe I've become? What really will become of us?
Not working makes me feel like a loser. I hate watching her leave every morning. I my mind I think she is wondering how she ended up with such a lazy loser even though I have taken it upon myself to ensure that our home is clean, the laundry is done and that there isn't much left for her to do when she arrives home.
These insecurities compound upon myself day after day and I need to just accept who I now am as I am slowly, "Coming to a Conclusion about Myself".